Agent Double O Zero
by OutsideLookingIn
Summary: He's suave, sophisticated, handsome, and has a killer English accent...with an addiction to sugar quills? Who is this 007? Why, the handsome Sirius Black of course! Can he save the world and get the girl?


Kasumi Adams whisked downstairs to the lavish Gryffindor Common room. She sighed, and shook her head. None of the Marauders were there. No Sirius, James, Peter, or Remus. Remus must've gone to visit his sick aunt. AGAIN. Sirius, James and Peter had gone with him to go visit his sick aunt. AGAIN. T'was always so boring waiting for the boys to come back. She decided to head down to the library, catch up on some schoolwork. Gods, she hoped they returned soon.

Coincidentally, the Marauders were thinking about Kasumi too. Correction. A Marauder, charming fellow by the name of Sirius Black. Currently in the shape of a big, black dog, he pondered, with the ambience of werewolf growls in the background, when he could get back to school. He hoped it would be before seven AM; he really had a girl to see. A beautiful, long legged, blonde haired, ample—ahem, thingied, girl. And thinking of girls got him thinking about the girl whom he had brushed away when he was heading out with the Marauders, taking care of Moony's furry little problem. No, not the long legged, blonde haired, ample thingied girl, but Kasumi Adams. God had blessed the slender, tall, girl with a supermodel's body. Which meant legs that went on for miles, a highly structured, pale, face, and not-so-ample thingies. Being practically a Marauder herself, she hung out with no one else, and always had her raven hair in a pixie cut. Of course, Sirius wasn't asking for ample thingies, those would've taken up too much space in James's already crowded invisibility cloak. Which was why they hardly brought Peter along anymore. But that was beside the point. What was the point was that he had left poor, delicate Kasumi all alone. Not that he like her. She was just like a sister to him. Hell, she even stayed at James's for the summer like he did. A pretty, young, delicate, sister. Delicate her arse. Which then reminded him again, of how nice an arse she had. But he was only thinking. In a brotherly manner.

Kasumi awoke to the sound of the portrait hole closing. Bugger. She had slept on the common room couch again, and the position which she had fallen asleep in wasn't the most comfortable. She sat, back straight, legs crossed, but in complete disarray otherwise, half expecting to find some half asleep couple sneaking in from the Astronomy Tower. Gods, no, she prayed.

Oh but of all loveliest surprises, no one entered.

"Sirius, James, Remus, Peter. The gig's up. I know it's you guys!" she yelled to a seemingly empty room. A young second year who was bounding down the stairs to the library to finish his foot long report assigned by Slughorn on the subject of Forgetting Potions reminded himself to stay away from her, but as luck would have it, Slughorn was in an exceedingly good mood that day, and had the second years test out their potions, the unlucky second year, forgot.

Kasumi strolled over to the portrait hole, and grabbed at what was seemingly thin air, yet her had collided with a _thunk_ to the solid cranium of Sirius. She pulled off the Invisibility Cloak and gaped, because they were all covered head to toe in bloody wounds.

"Ah, just get it over with," muttered James.

"What's the matter? I mean, it isn't as if the whole lot of you disappeared last night, and came back this morning at this ungodly hour, only to be completely SHREDDED!" she yelled, waking another poor, poor second year up.

"Ah, y'see… we were, um…." James stammered.

"—having quidditch practice." Sirius stated.

"Oh I see," Kasumi was tapping her foot on the wood floor. All four boys were currently absorbed with the ceiling. "Let me guess. You crashed into a tree."

"That's it! I always knew you should've been sorted into Ravenclaw!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Oh really. I'm a bit puzzled, seeing as half of you AREN'T EVEN ON THE QIDDITCH TEAM, AND I AM!" she said, her voice rising with each word. James winced, and held his ear, and Sirius muttered something incoherent.

"SIT!" she continued as she pointed to the couch. "Do explain." She muttered with an annoyed look on her face.

"Um well y'see… Remus was with his sick aunt, and he needed some… uh…moral support…" James said, and then kicked Remus, who winced and then wiped an imaginary tear from his eyes.

"There's something about Remus, that isn't quite his sick aunt. Or dog. Or mother. Or fish. Come to think of it…didn't you have a sick pig, Remus?" Kasumi glared at Remus.

"It's almost like you're a werewolf. Disappearing every full moon, coming back wounded, getting sick before the full moon, but that would just be silly? Right? I mean, if you did, you would've told me. Right?" Remus shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Kasumi, I think it's best you discovered something." Remus coughed, his slender frame shaking with each hack. "You see, I'm not normal. I'm a werewolf."

James and Sirius gaped. Peter choked, Kasumi stood there as calm as one could ever be. But she stopped pacing.

"You know, I should pound you all into mash for keeping this from me." She quietly stated. The boys shuddered. They knew not to mess with her.

"But seeing as Remus has done the honors for me, you should head down to Madame Pomfery's. And yes, I do know the whole lot of you are amagni. I'm not stupid."

All four grinned sheepishly.

"Ah ha ha ha…." Sirius grinned, "Did we mention that the only people who know about this are McGonagall, Dumbledore, and you?"

"So you're telling me… you aren't going to Madame Pomfery? Oy, why do I even bother with a bunch of idiots like you?"

"We're fine. Honest."

"Did you even stop and THINK? What if your wounds got infected, or people noticed, or…"

"Stop worrying Twister." Sirius grinned cheekily as he fondly used her nickname.

"Oh, I see. Sirius, come here." Kasumi said.

Sirius approached Kasumi with caution. She applied slight pressure to the wound on his face, and he cried out.

"OW!"

Her fingers came away with a streak of dribbling blood.

"Yeah, I thought so. Fine. Fine my arse." The four started to stand and go. "SIT! Stay, and don't move. Or I take up what Remus has left undone." She ran out the portrait hole, leaving the Marauders puzzled.

"She's up to something. Something quite beneficial, yet as appropriate, no pain, no gain." Remus sighed wearily.

"Yeah, yeah, Moonster, stop with the long words. We wouldn't want Peter to get confused." James muttered. "You nutter, why'd you tell her? It's not like she actually knew you were a werewolf. We could've kept it a secret longer."

"Prongs, now you're just treating her like a little girl. She's one of our friends. We should've told her at the beginning. But seriously Remus, a pig?" Sirius cracked up.

"I was being put on the spot!"

Kasumi ran back into the common room, and started bandaging up Peter who winced each time the Bactine touched his skin, and immediately ran upstairs, blushing when she had applied Bactine to his face.

She then bandaged Remus up, but he was too tired to care, and promptly dragged himself upstairs when the whole ordeal was over.

James yowled in pain when Kasumi held the Bactine near him.

"Awwww… is the poor widdle quidditch captain afwaid of a little Bactine? Shall mommy give him a kissy-wissy?" she asked, puckering up her lips.

James replied in an aloof manner. "My body is reserved for Lily's lips only."

"Stuff a sock in it. I don't want to hear your sexual fantasies with a girl whom I'm sure is the president of Celibacy Before Marriage."

James stuck her tongue out at her, and then continued his five-day stint in trying to climb up the girl's dormitory staircase.

"Do I have to bandage him up again? I don't have time for this, this—"

"Then why are you doing it?" Sirius asked seriously (A/N: sorry, no pun intended!).

"Because you guys are my friends."

"Oh I see." An uneasy silence settled upon the room as Kasumi deftly wound the bandages around Sirius's arm.

"Take off your shirt." She said.

Sirius raised a quizzical eyebrow, and then lowered his voice to a deep purr. "Why my dearest Kasumi…Your eyes are the color of melted Honeydukes' Finest Chocolate, your skin, an alabaster—"

"Shut it Black, or I bathe you in rubbing alcohol."

"Can you drink it?"

"No."

"Oh."

Another uneasy silence settled.

Sirius's evil conscience whispered, _She didn't even blush._

Sirius's nice conscience countered, _That's because she knows me too well._

He abruptly stood up.

"What?" Kasumi asked.

"Sorry Twister. Are you finished?"

"Oh, yeah. Go ahead upstairs. You look like some sleep would help. Wouldn't want to turn off the ladies with the dark rings under your eyes."

"Oh, I hardly get any sleep anyways." He smiled a roguish smile.

She hardly batted an eye.

"Just sleep it off Black, you probably have a date with a Hufflepuff tomorrow."

"Yeah, ok."

She turned to walk up the staircase to try to get some more homework done.

"Hey Twister?" Sirius called from the opposite staircase.

"Huh?"

"Thanks. You know, for cleaning us up."

"No problem, Black. I'm sure your battle wounds will make the lovely ladies just die. It gives guys a rough edge."

"Yeah." He smiled a winning smile, and bounded up the stairs. Kasumi shook her head and smiled to herself. He was a hopeless nutter.

What do you think? Should I continue? Guess you know who the main characters are going to be…

OMIGOSH!

Look down there!

What in the world is that button?

Let's push it and see what happens!

Ohhhh… a box popped up. Let's write something nice for the authoress so she will be oh so happy and bake you cyber cookies and then deliver them for all you lucky, lucky people next chapter!

Get the hint?


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